I made this post to entertain bored women carelessly swiping through their dating apps with three goals in mind:

  1. To entertain you. Not so you will like me, but because often in life the people who need something the most are the least likely to seek it out. If it’s entertaining maybe you will read some of it.
  2. To throw some new ideas at you.
  3. So you can learn more about me. In case you would want to talk further.

My future…idealized…with you in it

I imagine us meeting in the organic vegetable section of an upscale market (lazy acres would be ideal). Our carts would accidentally meet or you might ask about my knowledge of a certain kefir. Oddly we are both well dressed for a grocery run and devoid our usual awkwardness. You reluctantly accept to give me your contact information…because bumping carts with your future life partner in an upscale grocery store is your ideal situation also. (This is what we will tell people someday)

After texting for a week or so we began meeting up. Truthfully, it’s very relaxed and we seem to get along; a day at the beach, walking around the night market and trying rare food trucks or any of the other waste of time things we can do to relax over the weekends. But as time goes on we start to realize that we have a lot in common. You show me your collection of custom made leather products and I take you out for a day on the sailboat I’m restoring. We spend long afternoons at each other’s parents house bbqing and weekends in the mountains.

Long weekends warm inside our camper as a soft icy breeze drops snow onto the leaves. Carefully making tea and reading our long overdue reading list. Or Long warm weekends poolside under the scorching sun at some no name resort on a no destination road trip. Knowing we can retreat to our freezing cold rooms and order takeout whenever the sunscreen begins to fail. We started things slow but now they are moving at full speed. We spend long nights in bed wondering if it can possibly be any better. It cant, both of our attention to detail and germ phobias allow for an intense and sanitary experience that is unrivaled.

Some time is now past and we decide it’s for real. We both have a vision for a family so we begin looking for a house. Not just some ordinary house. Not some mid 50’s stucco box on a sweaty street in who gives a care. We move to the countryside, about 15 minutes outside a town. A town small enough where the police throw the weirdos in jail but big enough that there’s an upscale natural foods store (So our kids can meet someone someday). We find a shabby house on 3 acres and go to work. Room by room we fix it up. We plant some fruit trees and get a few pets. I’ll build a deck with a swimming pool and hot tub. There will be a big barn and you can store all the stuff you find at estate sales.

Now things our in full swing, its bbq’s, fireworks and pool party’s in the summer. Its out of town guests, snow fights and indoor pet projects during the winter. It’s a cool march evening and the sun is setting over the hills. I’m outside casually chopping wood. It’s not a chore but rather something I get to do. The air smells like the countryside mixed with a hint of smoke from the fireplace. I walk into the house and find a silly, beautiful woman under a blanket on the couch. She smiles as she reads a book. The only question that remains is “Is that woman you?”.

Why is dating so difficult

Below I ramble about some issues with dating. You be the judge.

Brain chemistry, attention span and expectations.

Many generations of selective breeding have had their mark. Men were rewarded for seeking out sexual interactions. Women were rewarded by seeking attention from these males. The reward was genetic fitness and it’s no wonder why men are addicted to porn and women to social media. Thousands of generations have been selectively bred to respond to this stimulus. The two issue are the opposite side of the same coin. In my opinion, the above two issues are a big part of the problem.

Another issue is the viewing of other lives across the globe. We see these fake lives being lived and our primitive brain says “where is my gravy train?”. So our generation has become the “do nothing generation”. Constantly on vacations, doing make work jobs of no real value because responsibility is not fun. Unlike the jobs and vacation plans. This isn’t an accusation pointed at you. It’s self reflection that I have lived through. Everyone is culpable to some degree. Some more than others.

In no way am I saying that these things are bad either. I enjoy these low hanging fruit as much as the next person but they certainly aren’t my legacy.

Not offering what you seek

One issue I have with people complaining about dating is that they tend to place their blame specifically on the opposite sex. This hurts everyone because it creates a battle of the sexes mentality. Placing blame relieves us of the burden of responsibility. It also radicalizes the other party against us. Even though its not intentional most everyone can end up doing it. Instead of saying men or women we should say people do the thing that really annoys us. This will go a long way to help us better ourselves and not radicalize others. Observe how I do this below.

People often seek something they do not offer. They want someone in shape when they are not. They want someone smart when they are not. They want someone rich when they are not. Some groups do more than others but all groups do everything to some degree. I’m talking distributions here. The only exception I will make is saying that women do have it tougher when it comes to dating in the current context because they’re value is so frequently highest when they are younger and they often don’t have the life experience to negotiate anything good for it. They mature faster in one regard because they are dealing with more experienced men who often are not looking out for the woman’s best interest.

Baby in a white room, platos cave and Skinner box

Baby in a white room is the thought every person has at some point in their life when they wonder what a person would be like if they had no outside stimulation. The other two I’ll leave for you to search later. We live in a world where people are constantly trying to control what we think. Our opinions are often less based on fact and more on just popular opinions being pressed by the mass of swarming people around us. Combine that with our primitive brains, as mentioned earlier, and you have a recipe for a rat in a cage pressing the lever for more heroin as fast as possible without a thought of future consequences. I’m not going to go into specific details about specific issues but I will say that I do believe that we are injuring ourselves with pollution, that are minds are weakening from lack of conventional problem solving which ultimately means our society is weakening. I believe that the individual will always see themselves as smarter and more open to ideas regardless of whether it’s true or not. This means we are less tolerant of other’s ideas that challenge us to be better people but will be open to bad ideas that reduce our responsibility.

A little more about me…

Its hard to put your entire life into a few sentences on an app. I’m a normal guy and like the normal guy stuff such as outdoor activities. I wouldn’t turn down a day of motorcycles, or shooting or fishing etc. I would really like a sailboat but I just don’t have anywhere to park it right now. I’m in really good shape but it’s my policy not to get into an annoying workout situation where you can’t do anything that might affect your workouts. I enjoy studying and you can consider my job as sci/eng related. I can fix, build, design or measure anything.(Minor hand waving)

If I had to choose a pet I would choose goats. They are cute and they produce milk. Btw, I’m practical. I like a wide variety of music. Metal for workouts, classical for studying and country for hanging out. I read a lot. Fiction and non fiction and you can add me on good reads. My least favorite thing is doing the dishes. Someday if every problem in the world were solved and I had no where to be I would want to be an underwater archaeologist just west of Ireland.

What I’m looking for in a woman? I think everyone wants someone attractive, so that’s a given. But honestly I think if someone is willing to learn and grow and show me new things then it could work out. I think I tend toward boring girls who are into gardening or something like that. I think the term conservative is too polysemous to describe what I’m looking for but I am looking for someone who does what they do with a purpose in mind and feels like they can rely on themselves to get things done.

Anyways if you read this far you should email me if you want to talk more or meet up. Email is cagney at If you want to read more try this article

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1 Comment

  1. Hello Cagney,
    I came to your website after we matched on Bumble and I have to say I really enjoyed reading what you had to say.

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